Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Things not to say to the customer

Yes, I know this is irreverent, but I'm a bit punch happy, so here are some ideas about things that one should not say to the customer. Especially one who has been pretty good about getting slow support.

  • After banging on this product for over a year, we’ve moved on emotionally, spiritually and strategically. The product is going to phased out soon and we’re really busily focused on doing things that generate a whomp-load more revenue right now. So, for right now, we’re just plugging our ears with coffee grinds and ignoring the problem
  • My apologies for the delay. My mom says I shouldn’t talk to you.
  • Thanks for following up on this. Unfortunately the work to dig into the product issues has temporarily been put on an indefinite hold.
  • My apologies but a traumatic brain injury has wiped out all my memories and knowledge of who you are and what you do. Could we start over?
Clearly, someone in Sales needs to pick up the phone. Hello, Sales? Um, Sales?

Ah. They're out, erm, networking.

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